


The Corruption of Chat Noir

by PipTheMagnificent



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: And Ladybug is going to fix that, And TikTok, And so bad its good tv, Chat is sheltered, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Ladybug Introduces Chat to the more lowbrow pleasures in life, Ladynoir being lovable goofs, Ladynoir | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug, Meaning junk food, Pre-Reveal Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, The rest of Team Miraculous Appears very briefly, Warning: Liberal use of terrible puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PipTheMagnificent/pseuds/PipTheMagnificent
Summary: Chat lets it slip to Ladybug that he's never had Doritos before. His little reveal leads to Ladybug attempting to introduce him to all of her favorite pastimes: namely junk food, so bad it's good tv, and TikTok.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 26
Kudos: 165





	1. Oreos? More like Noir-eos

**Author's Note:**

> So this story is literally just an excuse for me to foist Gen Z pop culture on these two idiots. Also Ladybug cursing. 
> 
> I apologize for the really bad junk food puns in this chapter.

Ladybug sat back against the strut of the Eiffel Tower and groaned.

“I would actually kill someone for some Doritos right now. Fucking Hawkmoth, making us go out to ‘save the city’ or whatever. I left a full bag opened before I had to go and I just know my dad ate them all by now.”

“At least it was an easy akuma this time,” Chat said. “And I’m sure he only ate a few.”

Ladybug just let out an even larger groan. “No, you know how it is with Doritos. It’s literally impossible to eat just one.”

Chat rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Uhhh, actually I don’t.”

She whipped her head around to face him. “What?”

He looked a little alarmed at the strength of the expression on her face, but he gamely said “I’ve never had a Dorito.”

Ladybug’s jaw dropped. “You’re shitting me.”

He chuckled awkwardly. “Ahh, no.”

“Are your parents freakish health nuts?” She barely paused to breathe, not giving him time to think of some lie. “That sucks kitty. I don’t think I’d be able to survive without junk food. I inhale so much every day.”

Chat shrugged. “It’s not that bad.”

She wagged a finger at him. “You only say that because you’ve never had the luxury of shoving those puffy Cheetos in your mouth.” She sighed longingly, and Chat swore he could see her salivating.

The beeping of her earrings brought her out of orange cheese powder stained daydreams, and she jumped to attention.

“Okay, I gotta go-“ she waved vaguely at her earrings, “But meet me here tomorrow? I know there wasn’t patrol scheduled, but we have something of utmost importance to do.”

He nodded, and she turned and swung away, her lithe form fading as she receded into the distance.

* * *

“My lady- utmost importance? Really?”

“Hey!” She nudged him playfully with her shoulder, as her hands were full of two giant bags. “Snack initiation must be taken seriously.”

He laughed at her antics, but took the bag she handed him dutifully. She dumped out her bag on the floor of the tower, and he followed her lead. A large variety of junk food spilled out. Looking at it, he recognized some brands from things his friends brought to school, but others were completely new to him.

He really had been sheltered, he thought. The closest to actual unhealthy, preservative filled food he had eaten since his mom died was some pretzels.

His mom had liked to treat him when it was just the two of them, and his father was at the office. They’d chase ice cream trucks, and bake brownies, and pile potato chips on their sandwiches. But then his mom died, and Adrien forgot what happiness tasted like. His father became even more strict, if that was possible, and Nathalie kept track of his diet on a day by day basis. So the pile of snacks represented a lot more than just food to Chat Noir.

As he remembered his mom, he actually felt his eyes dampen, and Ladybug, who was arranging the snacks, was surprised when he pulled her into a quick hug.

“Thank you. Really.” he said quietly as they stood there.

Ladybug patted his shoulder awkwardly. “It’s not a big deal, I just raided my snack cupboard.”

Chat laughed, brightening right back up. “Ladybug the snack thief!”

She rolled her eyes, propping a hand on her hip. “They’re my snacks, silly kitty. I can’t steal them.”

“Details,” he said, waving her off. “Okay, so where do I start?”

She shrugged. “What are you feeling? Sweet? Spicy? Kill all your tastebuds flavorful?”

“You pick.”

“Hmm…” she looked over the pile. “Oooh! Takis!” She grabbed a bright purple bag. “These are so good. Be careful, they’re super hot. I love them though, I'm just no good at handling hot things.”

Chat winked at her. “That explains why you’re bad at dealing with me.”

Ladybug’s jaw dropped. “Did you just-“

“So, takis, huh?” He interrupted, ripping open the bag and shoving a few of the bright red chips in his mouth.

Immediately he realized his mistake. Chat choked, fanning his mouth wildly.

“Ack!” He spluttered.

“Pussy.” Ladybug snorted, both at his pain and her (she thought) very clever pun.

He glared at her, his ears standing on end. “You could’ve warned me!”

She smiled smugly. “I did. You chose to ignore me.”

He huffed angrily, but accepted her apology of a sleeve of Oreos. “Oooh, these I like!”

Ladybug moved to sit next to him, nudging him to scoot over and share the pack of cookies. They sat there late into the night, making their way through the spread of junk food and watching the rooftops of Paris disappear into the midnight gloom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be out very soon, I have both it and the last chapter essentially written out. 
> 
> For a hint of what you'll get- Chapter 2 is called Keeping up with Chat Noir. Chapter 3 is Chat Noir, TikTok Star.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this silly fic! Come say hi on my [Tumblr!](https://pipthemagnificentwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated!


	2. Keeping Up With Chat Noir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah... this happened.

Chat heard a giant crash behind him, followed by the distinctive sounds of his lady cursing in her sweet voice.

“Stupid shitty projector-“ he turned around to see her kneeling on the floor of the Eiffel Tower, scrambling to pick up and place things in a giant cardboard box. “If this breaks, I’m not paying for it.”

“Need some help?”

Ladybug finally succeeded in throwing everything into the box with another rattling crash. “Nah, I got it. I just hope it didn’t break.”

“Yeah, me too,” Chat said, trailing behind her as she walked over to their favorite spot to sit. “Especially since it’s apparently critical that I watch terrible tv shows.”

Ladybug shot him a look, and he acquiesced. She set down the box. “Lay down the blanket there,” she said, tossing him a blanket. He set it up, and took out the pre-popped bags of popcorn she had brought. With the aid of a gentle smack to the projector, a flickering light came out, projected on the sheet Ladybug had hung off the inner struts of the tower. She grabbed up the laptop she had brought along, and clicked on a list.

“Are you cool if we just watch highlights? Like funniest of? I would show you full episodes but we’d be out here all night.”

“Sure,” Chat agreed. (Although a whole night with his Lady didn’t really sound that bad. Maybe it would get colder and she’d snuggle up to him, and he could pet her hair and she would just fit with him, and they would talk about love and loss and wax poetic on their- well her- newly realized love.)

Ladybug wheezed. “These people are on crack!” She gestured at the screen. “Kim, there’s people dying in Africa,” she mimicked.

Or not, Chat sighed, his romantic fantasies falling away. Well, he would enjoy it anyway. Even if he hated the shows, he got to spend time with Ladybug.

* * *

“NO! IDIOTS!” Ladybug poked his arm as Chat stared horrified at the screen. “I thought you said you weren’t going to get invested.”

He turned to her, protesting. “I’m not!”

She couldn’t help it, she started laughing. “You just screamed because they banged.”

“Because they couldn’t stop being horny they lost twenty thousand dollars!!”

“Love is rough like that,” she teased.

Chat just grumbled. “I’m totally Kelz. This man won’t let a penny slip out of his grasp. How hard could it be to reject someone’s advances?”

“Hmmm?” Ladybug had a slightly too innocent tone in her voice.

Chat started to think he was making a mistake, but he blundered on. “Well, if I were being given a hundred thousand dollars if I didn’t kiss someone, I would be fine with that.”

Ladybug rolled up onto her elbows. “You really think you could just say no?” He shivered as she leaned up and over him. “You would be strong enough to stop?” She held herself up, staring down at him with those piercing blue eyes. Then she blinked, and went back to lie down, not seeming to realize the effect she’d had on his heart rate. “Yeah, you probably would.” She propped her head up on her arms. “You strike me as the sort of person who dreams of being rich. Imagine, you could buy a hundred cats and give them all gold collars.” She laughed.

Chat’s breathing was still not under control, and he knew that if he and Ladybug had been in Too Hot to Handle, he would have given up the money in a second.

“Ha, yeah…” he trailed off, scrambling. “Being insanely rich must be nice.” He groaned in his head. Did that sound like something a not insanely rich person would say? He had no idea. And why didn’t he do anything when Ladybug had been on top of him? He was not the cool cat he thought he was.

* * *

Chat looked over at Ladybug, laughing. “This man really just said ‘My name is John Paul Jones, my friends call me John Paul Jones, so you can call me John Paul Jones’ and then suggested she cut off some of his hair and keep it like Vincent Van Gogh sent his sliced off ear to his lover… is he real?”

She startled. “Huh? Sorry I got distracted.”

“What were you looking at?”

"The city. It looks so small from up here. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to the fact that I get to see it like this as a fucking _superhero."_

They looked out at the lights on the Champs de Mars reflecting on the Seine. “It is really pretty,” Chat murmured. “I like the view.”

Ladybug snorted.

“What?” He looked at her bemusedly.

“It’s like the tiktok, you know the one that goes ‘I like the view- You do?- Yes. You’re my best view. Nyeh.” She laughed at her own hilarity. “It’s from the show I made you watch earlier. Rose and Big Ed? Sound familiar?”

“Not really? I don’t have tiktok.”

“Oh you poor sheltered kitty! Here, gimme your baton.” He passed it over, and she pulled up the small screen that functioned as a phone, typing for a second, and then handing it back. “There ya go!”

Chat looked at his baton suspiciously. “What did you do?”

Ladybug smiled proudly. “Corrupted your phone with the lovely app TikTok.”

He sighed. “You know I’m never gonna use this right?”

She rolled over onto her back, grinning up at the slices of sky visible through the struts. “Sure, sure, whatever you say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why it took me a week to get this up. I kept meaning to bash it out but I'm also working on a lot for the upcoming Zutara week so I got very distracted. However part 3 will be up ASAP I promise!
> 
> The shows mentioned are, in order: Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Too Hot to Handle, The Bachelor, and 90 Day Fiancee. 
> 
> This is such crack I kinda hate myself but I can't stop writing it. Also the baton acts like a regular phone if he needs it to, both because I want it to and the wiki says "He can also use it as a communicator to contact Ladybug or as a normal cellular phone" so there ya go, proof. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated, and I'm on Tumblr [here.](https://pipthemagnificentwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Up next: Chat obviously becomes addicted to TikTok and Ladybug regrets her decisions.


	3. Chat Noir, Tiktok Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug and Chat Noir make a bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the chapter I decided to write this story for. The rhyme Chat Noir, Tiktok Star popped into my head a while ago at 3 am and I had to write a story to fit it in as a chapter title.

_Saturday._

Ladybug stood, arms crossed, looking over Paris.

She was itching for something to do. Hawkmoth hadn’t sent an akuma out in a week, and even while patrolling they had barely run into any petty criminals. Her fingers twitched towards her yoyo.

She jumped as Chat Noir popped up in front of her, doing a strange dance.

“What the fuck Chat?! I almost shoved you off the edge of the roof!”

He barely even heard her as he sauntered off, fiddling with his baton. “Yeah, sorry! Gimme a sec!”

She grumbled. He was even more excitable than normal tonight.

“And, okay!” he said, turning around to face her. “Check my Tiktok.”

“What?”

“Check. My. Tiktok.”

She reluctantly pulled out her yoyo and went to his page. Oh, and look, what a surprise, he had just posted. She clicked on it. It was a video of him popping up and surprising her along with the caption “When your Lady wants to work but you’re in the cat-itude to play!”

“Chat-”

“Isn’t it great!” He beamed.

“Chat you’re addicted.”

He gasped dramatically. “No I’m not! I just want to keep the fans happy.”

She rolled her eyes. Since she had mistakenly introduced him to the app, Chat had become insanely popular, his videos going viral. He had gained 10 million fans almost overnight. Now, however, it also meant that he was constantly interrupting patrol to film.

“You really are addicted.”

“I am not,” he scoffed. “You’re just jealous.”

“Of what? Your mental illness? You couldn’t quit Tiktok if your life depended on it.”

“I can quit if I want to.”

Oh, she had him now, Ladybug thought. No getting out of this one.

“Really? You can quit if you want to? Prove it.”

Chat paled. “Quit? But the fans-”

She crossed her arms, a smug look on her face. “They can live without you for a week. I dare you. No Tiktok for a week.”

“None at all?”

“Fine,” Ladybug conceded, “You get three strikes.”

“What happens if I lose?”

She thought for a second. “If you lose, you have to be Banana Noir.”

“Fine,” he groaned. “How long?”

“A week.”

“What?!”

“You’re only wearing it during patrols, it’s fair.”

“Ugh, whatever.”

“Plus if you win you don’t have to wear it. Unless you’re so sure you’ll lose already…” she smiled evilly.

He pouted. “No, I'm going to win. I’m not addicted, it’ll be easy.” Ladybug snorted. He glared at her. “If I win, you have to make Tiktoks with me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She had a Tiktok, and she loved scrolling through, but she didn’t post any herself. It really couldn’t be that hard if Chat could do it though. “Deal?”

They shook hands solemnly. The bet had begun.

* * *

_Wednesday._

“Got ya!” Ladybug jumped out from behind the chimney.

Chat shrieked and froze, his tail sticking straight up. The music he had been dancing to a second ago- the music she had followed trying to catch him in the act- kept playing.

“Say So? Really?”

He mumbled sheepishly.

“Can’t even make it a few days,” Ladybug said with an air of someone who knew they were going to win. “I wish you well in Tiktok rehab, you addict.”

She flipped off the roof, shooting him a smug salute as she swung away.

* * *

_Friday._

Ladybug panted as she landed on the roof of the hotel.

“Chat!” she yelled. “Where are you?”

She kept her eyes on the akuma. She’d already been struck by its power, and it was setting her off her game. The akuma was using two large paintball guns to shoot out balls of powder, and anyone hit immediately had their gender swapped. It wasn’t dangerous, but it was annoying, as Ladybug now had to get used to moving with an extra foot of height. She’d already miscalculated too many times, and was developing a headache from the many things she’d smacked her forehead into.

“Chat!” Where had that mangy cat run off to?

She caught a flash of long blond hair our of the corner of her eye, and twisted quickly.

“There you are!” she called out in relief. “Wait.”

Chat gulped, lowering his baton, which he had just been posing in front of. Ladybug stalked over, secretly relishing the fact that with her a guy and him a girl, she was taller than him.

“Were you just filming a Tiktok?”

“Uh-”

Ladybug let out a shriek of pure rage. “Why the fuck are you making a Tiktok in the middle of a fucking akuma battle?!”

He curled in on himself. “It’s a trend right now to cross dress as what you think you’d look like as the opposite gender-”

“I don’t give a flying FUCK about your stupid trends! Just take down the akuma!”

She smacked him with her yoyo and left, muttering murderously to herself about idiotic alley cats who don’t know how to behave in fights yet still look really cute as a girl which is totally unfair.

* * *

_Saturday._

“Baby come give me something new,” Chat sang, “Okay now!” He clapped and stepped out of the way, and Rena Rouge filed in in behind him, doing the same move before moving aside and revealing Carapace, then Queen Bee, and finally Viperion.

When they made it through the whole line, they cheered.

“That’s how we do it boys!!” Rena Rouge howled, as Carapace clapped her on the back vigorously. Queen Bee stuck her nose up, but the rebellious smile on her face proved she was happy.

Viperion slammed his lyre, somehow managing to play a version of We Are the Champions as Chat Noir headbanged aggressively.

They all paused however, as a slow clap began, and Ladybug appeared on the roof.

“Wow,” she said dryly. “I’m so impressed. You did a dance! And it only took you seven tries to get it perfect!”

“It’s hard, actually, the combi-” Carapace stopped talking as the others glared at him.

“You all encouraged this? I told you Chat was taking this Tiktok thing too far and you still danced with him? Viperion? Rena? Guys!”

Everyone shuffled awkwardly away from Chat as he looked at them with betrayal.

“Where’s Ryuko?”

Ryuko pushed herself off of the wall she’d been leaning on.

“Here.”

Ladybug smiled at her. “Good to see there’s at least one sensible hero here.”

Ryuko coughed. “Actually, they asked me to join but I didn’t know the dance so I said I’d watch, try and learn, and join later.”

Ladybug facepalmed.

“I hate all of you.”

“So…”

“Yes Chat?”

He gulped. “Do I have to be Banana Noir?”

A slow grin spread across Ladybug’s face. “Oh yes. Don’t worry. I’ve got the costume all ready. Just show up to patrol tomorrow and you’ll be all set to get in your new costume, banana boy.”

* * *

_Sunday._

“Don’t be bemused, it’s just the news! Nadia Chamack here to inform Paris about the appearance of a new superhero- or reappearance?”

Images of Banana Noir standing next to Ladybug on the Eiffel Tower appeared behind her.

“Actually, viewers know the superhero already! Paris-beloved Chat Noir seems to have adopted a new costume, that of a large yellow banana man. The costume has been seen before, when fighting the large monster that appeared in the Louvre.”

The image shifts to footage of Banana Noir fighting.

“One of our reporters was able to catch up to Chat to ask him if this costume change is permanent, but Chat wasn’t forthcoming, simply grumbling inaudibly and leaping away. Ladybug was also asked for comment but she just laughed, only adding on this strange piece of advice- beware Tiktok!”

Nadja leans forward on her desk, fingers intertwined. “Could this be referring to a new supervillain? And will Chat Noir return, or is Banana Noir here to stay? Only time will tell! Signing off for today, this was Paris 1 News!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I am shamefully Tiktok obsessed. Don't come for me. Or do. I'm posting this unedited but yolo. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated! 
> 
> I'm on Tumblr at pipthemagnificentwrites.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [(An Almost) Peaceful Date](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27711488) by [TheLittleBlackPrince](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleBlackPrince/pseuds/TheLittleBlackPrince)




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